Afternoon all.
I was going to fill this space with a carefully researched and well balanced review of Dominik Eulberg’s new artist album ‘Diorama’. However, another subject has recently come to light which I feel is not so much more deserving, as more difficult to ignore. So for now, i’ll simply say that Dominik’s album is excellent. I’ve been listening to it for 2 weeks now, and it really is some of his best work to date... so go & buy, ‘kay?

Anyway, back to the point. I feel obliged to emphasise that there hereby follows an extended rant which will be opinionated and explicitly worded in nature, so if you feel that your day is going too well to be compromised by my angry scribblings, then i’d advise you to avert your eyes back to safer pastures. Icanhascheezburger for instance... Everyone loves captioned pictures of cats.

Soooo, i’m assuming that the fact that you’re still reading means you’re probably wondering what’s got me riled of late. Well it’s a subject that, as ravers, you’ll have been affected by in some shape or form yourselves. I’m talking about the UK’s nazi-esque enforcement of noise restriction, at the hands of Councils nationwide, and other
over-concerned fun-policing authorities. Normally, i’d be happy to have a sly moan about this via any given social network, but seeing as though it has extended its reach to my DJ diary this year, i’m for declaring web-based warfare on the tweed army.

Both myself and my fellow KZ resi, Dave Johnys, have worked with the promoters of Oxford/London clubbing institutions Slide and Simple for well over 4 years now. When we were offered the chance to play at a brand new festival that had come about as a result of a collaboration of the two nights back in 2008, we naturally jumped at the opportunity. It transpired that the event was to become one of the best weekends we’d had in many a year. And so Out To Graze festival in Oxfordshire became our benchmark for hi-grade locally-organised summer entertainment. We were both invited back to play every year since, and had the esteemed privilege of watching it blossom to become one of the most promising events on the UK clubbing calendar. By the end of 2010, it had got to the stage where it genuinely pissed all over huge festivals like Creamfields and Global in terms of organisation, price, atmosphere, and (some might say most importantly) safety from the chav invasion. The focus on local talent over big names meant that every artist gave 110%, and you knew that you wouldn’t have to endure lacklustre sets from headliners who’d simply turned up under contractual obligation. Naturally, after 3 years of some of the best festival memories we can recall, the hype had reached feverpitch for the 2011 instalment. Word had reached as far as Kent and Devon, and we had people travelling from miles away to come and see what we’d been fervently talking about. Tickets were flying, and with a couple of weeks to go, both Dave and I were busy working on our tunes to wow the crowds...


...and then the text came through. “Out To Graze cancelled this year”.

To cut a long story short, the local authorities had imposed the sort of draconian noise restrictions that would ensure that any music played above conversation volume after a certain time would be met with a financial penalty equal to the gross value of a nuclear submarine. Considering the event had already been forced to relocate after a similar injunction was placed enforcing unmanageably quiet sound levels after 1am, and considering there was only a few weeks left till things kicked off, cancellation was the only remaining option. Obviously we were all pretty devastated by this, and were left with shattered summer plans at the hands of the sort of fucking pompous PC comb-over tosspipes who usually stick their nose in whenever the faint smell of youthful fun begins to permeate the air.

I dare say this is not the first time i’ve felt let down when it comes to sound levels at festivals. On the whole, the volumes at large Dance events across the country are nothing short of pathetic. You can have a regular conversation with the person stood next to you, despite being stood opposite a 15 foot stack of speakers. More to the point, you have to physically stand at the barrier if you’ve any chance of hearing the music you love played at anything resembling what I would call ‘live level’. Go to any festival on the continent and see how it’s done properly. Gone are the archaic rules that govern how an arena is limited, and you certainly won’t find an event that is toned-down in order to preserve the peace of a 5-house village located approximately 50 miles from the site. 363 days of the year, these morons wouldn’t hear a fucking meteorite if it struck the earth 10 miles away, yet the fact that for ONE weekend they feel obliged to march straight to the nearest Police station and register complaints by the thousand is nothing short of vindictive. I’d wager that 95% of these complaints are simply stemming from the fact that they’ve seen posters going up, and they just don’t want festivals anywhere near them, NOT because said festivals are any trouble. On the contrary, local fests like OTG are virtually trouble-free. They are celebrations of music and provide us with a means to get together and have a bloody good time, free from the perpetual worries and strife of day to day life in the United Kingdom. For christ’s sake, these people spend all week complaining about how youngsters are forever plaguing town centres and making nuisances of themselves, yet they take physical action to prevent a legitimate event from happening that would otherwise have kept us nicely entertained for an entire weekend. What school of fucking logic do these people graduate from??

This whole scenario is compounded by the fact that Councils pander to these idiots. If they had the fortitude to simply say “Look, I understand that a festival might not be the most desirable prospect on your calendar, but these people will only be here for one weekend this year. You can put up with it.” then maybe i’d have a bit more respect for the relevant authorities, and I know for sure the illegal rave problem wouldn’t be as severe as it currently is. It might also be worth noting that a correctly installed and set-up Funktion One sound system has the inherent capability of being extremely loud whilst retaining its reach within the confines of a designated arena. Indeed the clarity of such a system (and many others like it) negates the need to push the faders into the red for music to sound loud. The technology that goes into large sound systems these days is lightyears beyond the dull thud-emitting boxes that littered the motorway raves of the late 80’s and early 90’s. So maybe the real problem is the prejudices the middle class bear towards youthful music and festivals. The preconception of drug-fuelled aggression that is supposed to transpire at large outdoor events is as outdated as it is unsubstantiated. Sure, there’s the possibility that some fool will get a bit carried away and do something they’ll later regret, but isn’t that the same of any large event? Are you seriously telling me that Lord Tarquin Smythe the 3rd hasn’t ever indulged in one too many cognacs at Aintree one weekend and decided to start answering questions with his fists? Of course not... But then again, my own stereotypes are painfully clear to see from those few words i’ve just written.

If I might be so bold as to try and balance this out a bit, I believe there is a fundamental lack of connection between ‘us’ and ‘them’. They simply don’t understand our needs, and what’s worse is they’re not trying to either. For our part, our anger at the cards we’re dealt probably isn’t helping matters, but it seems to be a vicious circle. The more we’re oppressed whilst trying to organise interesting ways to celebrate our passions and collective vibrancy, the more we’re going to fight back. You can’t prevent people from having a good time. They spend far too many hours being serenaded by arseholes about why they must now pay £1.40 a litre for petrol, why they’re going to be hit with a seismic tax increase despite bailed-out bankers across the land STILL getting their bonuses, why tuition fees are now £9k per term, why going to war at a time of recession is a smart move, why politicians get to dodge prison after claiming £20,000 in expenses to clean their moat....

The situation as it currently stands just isn’t good enough. It’s no surprise that Councils favour the privileged few, and will go to great lengths to preserve the ideal of the silver spoon community, at the expense of the younger generation. I see it as perfectly valid to start a petition of our own next time an event of ours is overshadowed by the dark cloud of Council dictatorship. In this democratic nation, the complaints of the very few (and they are very few) should be weighed up against the needs of the many and put into context. 6 complaints all weekend versus 2000 people enjoying themselves and keeping out of trouble is a total no-brainer. The sooner the authorities wake up and grow a backbone, the sooner we can put this anger to bed. We don’t like being pissed-off, we just can’t abide being pissed on anymore.